[ Clarke stares at the ceres device for a few moments, lips pursed, and it's clear she's unhappy. It's clear that Bellamy wants to talk about this, and she knows that they should, but it makes her feel sick to try and have a conversation about it; her fingers flex unsteadily, hovering over the keyboard.
All she can think about is Lexa, about Finn, Lauralae, Jason- Betrayal and death and disappearances are all that she can fathom and she's heartsick over the idea of placing Bellamy into any of those. And she knows, she knows that he wouldn't betray her, she knows that, but Bellamy can't control death and the Drabwurld was a constant reminder of how quickly people can be taken away. Losing Jason crushed her, made her useless for a few days, and she can't fathom trying to exist without Bellamy. Her humanity wouldn't last.
She exhales shakily, and she's terrified, she's so scared of this. Shutting down is easier, feels safer. ]
no subject
All she can think about is Lexa, about Finn, Lauralae, Jason- Betrayal and death and disappearances are all that she can fathom and she's heartsick over the idea of placing Bellamy into any of those. And she knows, she knows that he wouldn't betray her, she knows that, but Bellamy can't control death and the Drabwurld was a constant reminder of how quickly people can be taken away. Losing Jason crushed her, made her useless for a few days, and she can't fathom trying to exist without Bellamy. Her humanity wouldn't last.
She exhales shakily, and she's terrified, she's so scared of this. Shutting down is easier, feels safer. ]
I'll see you tonight. Love you, Bell.