( stay, he asks her. as though she can do this, as though she can't feel her lungs filling up with the guilt, heavy as concrete, making it impossible to breathe. Finn's death was on her hands, but now what happened to Bellamy in Mount Weather is, too. he asks her to stay, and she doesn't know how, because it's so painful she feels sick from it, can feel the nausea turn over in her stomach.

she doesn't want to cry anymore, she doesn't want to do this. it was easier to pretend like she didn't feel anything, it was easier to act like feeling anything was a weakness. but in the Drabwurld she doesn't have almost fifty kids to rescue, she doesn't have a best friend trapped in a mountain, she doesn't have an entire army and its leader waiting on her choices. here she has Bellamy, and he can only keep her so safe before it's her own conscience that pushes her down and crushes her beneath the weight. )

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, it hurts so much and I feel so bad, and I don't- What am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to-

( her voice is rough like gravel, digging into her throat and making it impossible to speak without cracking over words. )

I'm so sorry-