[His face falls, even if she can't see it, and his grip tightens again around her. How could he possibly try and take that from her? He knows she was the one who plunged the knife, but he's the one who made the first mistake and sent Finn off with the gun. She blames herself and Bellamy feels so helpless to persuade her not to.]
Clarke, he - [He what? Was going to die anyway? She spared him that torture? What good are these reassurances right now?]
[Especially because she asks him about the Mountain.] I don't. I never will. I swear on my life, Clarke, I don't blame you for any of this. [It's a promise he has to make, before he goes on.]
[He's going to tell her, he is. Keeping Mount Weather to himself was never on the table, but he hesitates right now.] I got in. I was fine, last I saw. Maya helped me. If you don't remember. [Because he'd managed to find her, on the radio, and he remembers the sound of her voice helping him to press on. The big events have been covered, but who knows how far apart they are again by the details?]
[He's still holding her head, and he meets her gaze. She's so close, it's so impossible to lie, to brush it off, because there is nothing in him that wants to keep these secrets.] I didn't get the same treatment you did. They decontaminate the Grounders a little more aggressively. [His neck feels heavy, like it should be bruised, and he swallows.] Chains and powerwashing. Cleanest I felt in months. [He spits it out intended as a joke, but it's more hostile than that. There was also a lot more to it than the simplistic description he offers, and he wouldn't be surprised if she could tell.] You were at the Grounder cages. That's where I ended up.
no subject
Clarke, he - [He what? Was going to die anyway? She spared him that torture? What good are these reassurances right now?]
[Especially because she asks him about the Mountain.] I don't. I never will. I swear on my life, Clarke, I don't blame you for any of this. [It's a promise he has to make, before he goes on.]
[He's going to tell her, he is. Keeping Mount Weather to himself was never on the table, but he hesitates right now.] I got in. I was fine, last I saw. Maya helped me. If you don't remember. [Because he'd managed to find her, on the radio, and he remembers the sound of her voice helping him to press on. The big events have been covered, but who knows how far apart they are again by the details?]
[He's still holding her head, and he meets her gaze. She's so close, it's so impossible to lie, to brush it off, because there is nothing in him that wants to keep these secrets.] I didn't get the same treatment you did. They decontaminate the Grounders a little more aggressively. [His neck feels heavy, like it should be bruised, and he swallows.] Chains and powerwashing. Cleanest I felt in months. [He spits it out intended as a joke, but it's more hostile than that. There was also a lot more to it than the simplistic description he offers, and he wouldn't be surprised if she could tell.] You were at the Grounder cages. That's where I ended up.