We're not- ( she stops short, lips pursed before she corrects herself. ) I'm not.
( her voice catches after that, because she isn't. she's really not. it was easier back home, it was so much easier. because she had been given the same choice there as she had here after Nuala had died. the option to turn it off and push it away; the grief and the guilt and the overwhelming pain of it. but back here- back in the Drabwurld she promised not to, she promised too many people, and now she's terrified that she doesn't know how to navigate it this time. )
I killed- ( her breath catches and she grips his hand hard enough that her own fingers ache, and her shoulders start toe shake from how hard she's trying to not cry. she can't, she can't, because she isn't sure she'll be able to stop if she starts to. her voice shakes, pitches higher, and she isn't going to cry, she isn't- ) Bellamy, I-
no subject
( her voice catches after that, because she isn't. she's really not. it was easier back home, it was so much easier. because she had been given the same choice there as she had here after Nuala had died. the option to turn it off and push it away; the grief and the guilt and the overwhelming pain of it. but back here- back in the Drabwurld she promised not to, she promised too many people, and now she's terrified that she doesn't know how to navigate it this time. )
I killed- ( her breath catches and she grips his hand hard enough that her own fingers ache, and her shoulders start toe shake from how hard she's trying to not cry. she can't, she can't, because she isn't sure she'll be able to stop if she starts to. her voice shakes, pitches higher, and she isn't going to cry, she isn't- ) Bellamy, I-