( Clarke breathes out a laugh, but her emotions are in such overdrive that she actually feels tears gather again. grief is a strange thing, she knows; even laughter can be something that returns the devastation freshly back. but she can't do this right now, she can't.
instead, she reaches up to wipe at her eyes again, shaking her head as she does. )
I know, and I'm not, but there's also too much for me to do that I can't afford to just stand here and cry about this. About her. ( she shakes her head again, as though reaffirming this to herself. ) I'll be fine. I'm- I'm just going to go spend some time in the Queen's library. I need a distraction.
( at least she doesn't try to force a smile, makes no attempt at pretending like she's okay; they both know she isn't, and that's enough for her right now. )
[It worries him, the way she's so determined to dive back into - everything else. He's used to it from her, of course, but it doesn't mean it ever stops being a concern. He squeezes her shoulders, not letting her go yet.]
The library's not going anywhere. You can take five minutes. Enough to get a glass of water, at least.
I'll ask one of Danica's assistants to bring me one. I-
( she takes another breath, steadying herself, because she has to. she can't get lost in this again; she'll process it as she can, but she won't simply exist in those feelings all at once. Clarke can't do that as well as take on everything else. not now. )
I'll be okay. I'll work through it as I can, it's just going to take time. ( she moves out from under his hands then, gathering her things. ) I didn't get over Finn in one day, and I won't with her, either. But at least this time I'll actually deal with it. ( it's a reassurance if she could ever give one. ) I'll see you later, Bell.
[He's still looking at her with too much concern, and he'd still rather her at least spend five minutes at home, but he doesn't want to start an argument. He won't add to her plate, not after that.] I never expected you to. I'm not even telling you to.
Just - you don't have to do it alone, okay? Don't forget to eat or come home.
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instead, she reaches up to wipe at her eyes again, shaking her head as she does. )
I know, and I'm not, but there's also too much for me to do that I can't afford to just stand here and cry about this. About her. ( she shakes her head again, as though reaffirming this to herself. ) I'll be fine. I'm- I'm just going to go spend some time in the Queen's library. I need a distraction.
( at least she doesn't try to force a smile, makes no attempt at pretending like she's okay; they both know she isn't, and that's enough for her right now. )
I'll be home tonight, okay?
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The library's not going anywhere. You can take five minutes. Enough to get a glass of water, at least.
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( she takes another breath, steadying herself, because she has to. she can't get lost in this again; she'll process it as she can, but she won't simply exist in those feelings all at once. Clarke can't do that as well as take on everything else. not now. )
I'll be okay. I'll work through it as I can, it's just going to take time. ( she moves out from under his hands then, gathering her things. ) I didn't get over Finn in one day, and I won't with her, either. But at least this time I'll actually deal with it. ( it's a reassurance if she could ever give one. ) I'll see you later, Bell.
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Just - you don't have to do it alone, okay? Don't forget to eat or come home.
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( once all her things are collected, Clarke shoulders her bag and steps back. )
I won't forget. I'll see you later.
( with that, she teleports. )