[The fight had been what Jason needed. To call it a spar would be an understatement. These days, it's impossible to go all out. He's too difficult to hurt, and he's too determined to give up. Giving in to the adrenaline rush from a fight is too easy to do, and it's precisely what happened here. He hasn't done anything to hurt Bellamy, but he's definitely in a different position than he had been in the Citadel. Above all else, Jason is fighting like he can't lose another fight. He can't risk that for anyone.
There's a lot left unspoken. The truth is, Jason doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to talk about the stress of bringing the barons together, and he doesn't want to talk about how that job is one that Morla should have never given to him. He doesn't want to talk about the tail end of those meetings and Ariadne nearly throwing him out. He doesn't want to talk about the fact that they're losing, that there are a billion odds stacked against them, and he doesn't even know which direction to point everyone. He doesn't want to say that he doesn't have an idea of what to do next.
Truthfully, it's becoming clearer to Jason as time goes on that even with his training, he might not be on the battlefield in a month. It might be better to keep him off the front lines. As much as he can fight, he might need to approach things differently. All the soldiers for the different barons are the pieces on a board. That's assuming they can move without being toppled first. Some of Jason's negative thinking has definitely led to him thinking of the worst.
When the spar is over, some of that comes rushing back to him, but he tries to push it out of his mind. He goes to grab water—some for both him and Bellamy—and carries it back, extending the cup meant for Bellamy out to him.]
You got any preferences on where you wanna be next month? [After all that, it doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe Bellamy has somewhere in mind.]
[Jason's skin is a pain in the ass when they're training, but Bellamy's sure it's useful outside of that. It's more annoying today, if only because of the way the guy really pushes himself into it. It's all the signs of something else on his mind, and it's not hard to make assumptions on why. He'd ask, but he's not interested in dealing with Jason being a dick either.]
[He takes the cup and chugs, draining over half the water inside before he bothers thinking or replying. He's not stupid - there's another battle coming, and Bellamy recognizes the desperation in Dorchadas to go all out. He doesn't know what he wants or expects out of the upcoming fight, but he knows it's going to be a new level of brutal, and he knows he's best suited to being in the field more than most else. That's the part he feels like he's trying to prepare himself for more.]
[The answer is easy though despite that, because he might not be so sure about the battle, but he is sure about other things, and his priorities always come back to people not ideologies.] Wherever Clarke, Octavia, or Hiro are.
Are you planning on playing the role of a medic? [Jason asks, eyeing him carefully while he drinks down the rest of the water.] I'm not saying that we shouldn't have protectors, but I'm not so sure that this battle is going to be as ... hands on. [None of the plans have been clear, but much of what the Unseelie barons have left him with has him believing that they're going to be more underhanded than usual.
That's honestly good, considering chivalry and fairness, meeting people on the front lines, and going all out hadn't worked out for them in the past.
Either way, he's curious about what Bellamy has to say to that. Jason knows what strategies he's going to be pushing, but he wonders what else might be on the line.]
[Dryly:] I don't have the healing touch. [More water time.] If they need defensive lines around the medics, I'll do that.
Until we know more about what's happening, I'm not promising myself to any plans. [Not like last time, when they knew they needed to melt down the golden barriers. Between the dreamvision about the machines and the heightened preparations, Bellamy does feel more inclined to play defensive than offensive this time around, but it still requires figuring out what any of his people are up to, because it's them he'll work with, not an army.]
[He knows the Unseelie are aiming for more underhanded tactics than usual. He's just not entirely sold on it, not with the Red Hand's plan still circulating in his head.] So, either way, that's still my preference on where I'm going or what I do.
Wow, it's like you're talking to some stranger, and not the guy who's gathered all the barons for a conclave. [Arrogance seeps into Jason's tone too quickly and too easily. It's a bad habit that he falls into all too easily around Bellamy, and it's an outlet that is maybe not fair at the moment. But he's going to do it just the same.]
See, I'm willing to listen to anything you might want to carry out. That grenade plan, it was good. I'd like to do something like that again. [Jason almost points out that he doubts Bellamy could do it again, but holds his tongue. Pushing the buttons of Clarke's best friend to throw him into critical anger mode is maybe a bad idea. That he holds back might not be obvious, however.]
[He rolls his eyes, both at the statement and the arrogance. It's a show he's used to from Jason by this point. Bellamy is Unimpressed™.] Then tell me, conclave champion, what you think they're all going to do.
[Even if he wanted to repeat the grenade plan, it's officially magically impossible - and part of him is a little glad for it. Maybe if he hadn't burned a friend alive, it'd be a different story.] I don't have any plans. [Plans are hard, okay, we have established Bellamy is usually at his best when he works in the moment.] Not right now, anyway. I don't always think about how to actively kill people.
I don't, either. I'm just trained to do what's necessary. [Right now, killing as many people as possible is what's necessary, but he isn't going to spell out that nasty secret to Bellamy. That sounds like news that would be best out of Clarke's mouth.]
But it might not be bad to know how you want to protect people. We're running out of time.
And I'm sure you have zero ideas about what's going to be necessary. [Sarcastic?? Ofc!!! Bellamy knows things aren't going well for the unseelie, and he's not stupid enough to realize what might end up being the big plan. It always seems to come down to that big plan, when it comes to the monarchs and when it comes to the court itself. He doesn't want them to lose, but he's still not sold on slaughtering the seelie either. Not with the Red Hand plan in the back of his mind.]
[He rolls his shoulder in a shrug.] Keeping them alive is usually how protecting them works. I know you're looking for details - but I don't have any. I haven't coordinated yet.
[The glare Jason throws Bellamy at the first remarkable is unmistakable. Unable to spell out the reality of theirs situation—again, Jason feels like that's an explanation that two close friends should share, not ... whatever he is to Bellamy half the time—he lets it pass. He had wanted to know if he had any ideas. For someone who's so damn determined to do things his own way, he sure as hell doesn't have any alternatives to offer up.
Jason suspects that he isn't that surprised. Or maybe he's just being cruel about Bellamy's approach to things, and his way of thinking.
That's probable, too.]
Well, let me know, [he finally offers succinctly, a more neutral expression overtaking his face. He finishes up his water, and stretches his back.]
[He rolls his eyes, both at the glower and the following dismissal. Bellamy likes Jason well enough, but they don't see the war the same way. He's never been as solid on the Unseelie cause, and he doesn't trust the monarchs, even if he prefers following up on the whole uncage fate thing to most else.]
[He does also have an alternative, but it's one he's too afraid to talk about, one he hasn't even mentioned to Clarke yet, because he isn't sure she trusts the Red Hand enough anymore, and, well, he isn't sure he does either. But he likes what John offered more than slaughtering the other side en masse.]
You're the one who spoke to all the barons, not me. I'm not privy to all those details just yet. [It's said matter of factly. He doesn't really care, because fuck the system, etc. Ariadne is the only baron he actively likes.]
Last I checked, you aren't doing so bad for yourself. A lot of people know about The Embattled. [The words come out easily and in an agitated tone. His meaning is clear: Bellamy if someone who has influence and power. That doesn't just come with being a baron. Hell, some would say he has a greater reputation than some of them in these lands, and it shows. But he doesn't dig in to that any further. The initial statement speaks for itself.]
Having an extra voice and some more ideas? That wouldn't be too bad. The plans aren't made yet. But that's fine. You can skip helping out, and I can find myself none too surprised with the results. You can't finish, after all.
[He shrugs in an unsurprised manner. They've done this before. They'll do it again.]
[There's a slight frown. He knows it's what people call him now, and he knows he has a lot more sway than he used to - but he still prefers using that outside the court rather than in. When the people in Diasbaile call him the Embattled, at least he knows their names too.] They know I fight and I kill people, but it doesn't mean I'm interested in keeping a seat in the courts with my reputation.
[It's not all he's known for, but he's always been hyperfocused on the more terrible things he does lbr.]
[He stands up, bristling. It's the same road they went down before, and Bellamy's too exhausted to go there again right now, especially when he knows Jason is trying to be a dick.]
I'm not doing this with you again. Feel free to think I'm an idiot or too weak or whatever the hell else you're preparing to judge me for. I'm not avoiding what's coming. But I'm not purposely going to put myself into a 'where can I kill the most people' position.
It's not us doing it again. I'm telling you to come to me with some damn ideas so that I'm not the only one making the hard decisions to save the people that you care about. [The words come out in a rushed snap. The temptation to hurt Bellamy surges up inside of him, mixed with an anger that doesn't suit this situation. The weight of all of this bears down heavily on Jason, and he wishes he had taken his leave sooner.]
But when Clarke and Octavia die ... when Hiro dies and I die and Ariadne dies? You look at yourself. Enjoy not having the blood on your hands. That's gonna be all you have before the Seelie assholes rip the shard out of your chest. [He went too far. He knows he did. But he doesn't give a damn. It's not about being an idiot, or being weak, or anything else. He definitely wanted a fucking plan from Bellamy, and instead, he's come up with nothing.
Just a lot of "I'm not doing that," and "I don't want to be a part of this," or whatever. Whatever he said.]
Enjoy that little image. And don't depend on me to turn to you when I need someone. [His shoulders are tense and drawn back. Leave, leave. He needs to leave. He starts making the motions to get the fuck away before he goes even further.
[Bellamy blanches. It makes him feel sick and angry at once, and there are a million awful things he wants to spit back in Jason's face, because it already has hurt him, even if it's not physically.]
[He slams his fist into the ground instead, hard, and the pain that shoots through his knuckles warns of bruising, but it channels most of his anger there instead of lashing out at a person. He doesn't think his hand is broken this time, at least. Maybe.]
[It doesn't stop his voice from going low, edging on hostile.] You know there's already blood on my hands, Jason. This isn't me avoiding that. Fuck off.
[It'd be so easy to just tell him what he wants right now, that even if he doesn't trust the Red Hand entirely outside of John right now, pushing back the Void to give them all more time - that's something he can get behind. But telling Jason means telling Morla, and he can't afford that.]
I'm sorry I don't have something for your immediate needs. But don't think for a second I'm going to sit around and do fuck all either. I'm working on it.
Yeah, you know what? I'll believe it when I see it. [The hostility hasn't drained from Jason. It hasn't left, and it won't leave until he's gone. He doesn't believe in Bellamy (and truthfully, Jason wouldn't buy the Red Hand plan anyway). His shoulders are withdrawn and angry, and he knows that this is about to turn into another fight. He knows that Bellamy can use ice magic in a way that can and will hurt him. He knows all of this.
But neither of them want that. Even if shit has hit the speeding around fan, he's not going to throw another bag of shit right up at it. He needs to go.]
See you later, pal.
[As much as he wishes he could teleport—though he resolves to fix that later—he stalks off, turning firmly so that he leaves with his back to Bellamy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
8/15 | action
There's a lot left unspoken. The truth is, Jason doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to talk about the stress of bringing the barons together, and he doesn't want to talk about how that job is one that Morla should have never given to him. He doesn't want to talk about the tail end of those meetings and Ariadne nearly throwing him out. He doesn't want to talk about the fact that they're losing, that there are a billion odds stacked against them, and he doesn't even know which direction to point everyone. He doesn't want to say that he doesn't have an idea of what to do next.
Truthfully, it's becoming clearer to Jason as time goes on that even with his training, he might not be on the battlefield in a month. It might be better to keep him off the front lines. As much as he can fight, he might need to approach things differently. All the soldiers for the different barons are the pieces on a board. That's assuming they can move without being toppled first. Some of Jason's negative thinking has definitely led to him thinking of the worst.
When the spar is over, some of that comes rushing back to him, but he tries to push it out of his mind. He goes to grab water—some for both him and Bellamy—and carries it back, extending the cup meant for Bellamy out to him.]
You got any preferences on where you wanna be next month? [After all that, it doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe Bellamy has somewhere in mind.]
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[He takes the cup and chugs, draining over half the water inside before he bothers thinking or replying. He's not stupid - there's another battle coming, and Bellamy recognizes the desperation in Dorchadas to go all out. He doesn't know what he wants or expects out of the upcoming fight, but he knows it's going to be a new level of brutal, and he knows he's best suited to being in the field more than most else. That's the part he feels like he's trying to prepare himself for more.]
[The answer is easy though despite that, because he might not be so sure about the battle, but he is sure about other things, and his priorities always come back to people not ideologies.] Wherever Clarke, Octavia, or Hiro are.
no subject
That's honestly good, considering chivalry and fairness, meeting people on the front lines, and going all out hadn't worked out for them in the past.
Either way, he's curious about what Bellamy has to say to that. Jason knows what strategies he's going to be pushing, but he wonders what else might be on the line.]
no subject
Until we know more about what's happening, I'm not promising myself to any plans. [Not like last time, when they knew they needed to melt down the golden barriers. Between the dreamvision about the machines and the heightened preparations, Bellamy does feel more inclined to play defensive than offensive this time around, but it still requires figuring out what any of his people are up to, because it's them he'll work with, not an army.]
[He knows the Unseelie are aiming for more underhanded tactics than usual. He's just not entirely sold on it, not with the Red Hand's plan still circulating in his head.] So, either way, that's still my preference on where I'm going or what I do.
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See, I'm willing to listen to anything you might want to carry out. That grenade plan, it was good. I'd like to do something like that again. [Jason almost points out that he doubts Bellamy could do it again, but holds his tongue. Pushing the buttons of Clarke's best friend to throw him into critical anger mode is maybe a bad idea. That he holds back might not be obvious, however.]
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[Even if he wanted to repeat the grenade plan, it's officially magically impossible - and part of him is a little glad for it. Maybe if he hadn't burned a friend alive, it'd be a different story.] I don't have any plans. [Plans are hard, okay, we have established Bellamy is usually at his best when he works in the moment.] Not right now, anyway. I don't always think about how to actively kill people.
no subject
But it might not be bad to know how you want to protect people. We're running out of time.
no subject
[He rolls his shoulder in a shrug.] Keeping them alive is usually how protecting them works. I know you're looking for details - but I don't have any. I haven't coordinated yet.
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Jason suspects that he isn't that surprised. Or maybe he's just being cruel about Bellamy's approach to things, and his way of thinking.
That's probable, too.]
Well, let me know, [he finally offers succinctly, a more neutral expression overtaking his face. He finishes up his water, and stretches his back.]
I'm gonna get going. I've got work to do.
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[He does also have an alternative, but it's one he's too afraid to talk about, one he hasn't even mentioned to Clarke yet, because he isn't sure she trusts the Red Hand enough anymore, and, well, he isn't sure he does either. But he likes what John offered more than slaughtering the other side en masse.]
You're the one who spoke to all the barons, not me. I'm not privy to all those details just yet. [It's said matter of factly. He doesn't really care, because fuck the system, etc. Ariadne is the only baron he actively likes.]
no subject
Having an extra voice and some more ideas? That wouldn't be too bad. The plans aren't made yet. But that's fine. You can skip helping out, and I can find myself none too surprised with the results. You can't finish, after all.
[He shrugs in an unsurprised manner. They've done this before. They'll do it again.]
no subject
[It's not all he's known for, but he's always been hyperfocused on the more terrible things he does lbr.]
[He stands up, bristling. It's the same road they went down before, and Bellamy's too exhausted to go there again right now, especially when he knows Jason is trying to be a dick.]
I'm not doing this with you again. Feel free to think I'm an idiot or too weak or whatever the hell else you're preparing to judge me for. I'm not avoiding what's coming. But I'm not purposely going to put myself into a 'where can I kill the most people' position.
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But when Clarke and Octavia die ... when Hiro dies and I die and Ariadne dies? You look at yourself. Enjoy not having the blood on your hands. That's gonna be all you have before the Seelie assholes rip the shard out of your chest. [He went too far. He knows he did. But he doesn't give a damn. It's not about being an idiot, or being weak, or anything else. He definitely wanted a fucking plan from Bellamy, and instead, he's come up with nothing.
Just a lot of "I'm not doing that," and "I don't want to be a part of this," or whatever. Whatever he said.]
Enjoy that little image. And don't depend on me to turn to you when I need someone. [His shoulders are tense and drawn back. Leave, leave. He needs to leave. He starts making the motions to get the fuck away before he goes even further.
(Clarke doesn't need this.)]
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[He slams his fist into the ground instead, hard, and the pain that shoots through his knuckles warns of bruising, but it channels most of his anger there instead of lashing out at a person. He doesn't think his hand is broken this time, at least. Maybe.]
[It doesn't stop his voice from going low, edging on hostile.] You know there's already blood on my hands, Jason. This isn't me avoiding that. Fuck off.
[It'd be so easy to just tell him what he wants right now, that even if he doesn't trust the Red Hand entirely outside of John right now, pushing back the Void to give them all more time - that's something he can get behind. But telling Jason means telling Morla, and he can't afford that.]
I'm sorry I don't have something for your immediate needs. But don't think for a second I'm going to sit around and do fuck all either. I'm working on it.
no subject
But neither of them want that. Even if shit has hit the speeding around fan, he's not going to throw another bag of shit right up at it. He needs to go.]
See you later, pal.
[As much as he wishes he could teleport—though he resolves to fix that later—he stalks off, turning firmly so that he leaves with his back to Bellamy.
That's a statement, right?]