[It honestly doesn't even faze him when she moves that fast; he barely registers it at first, because his chest feels like it's been ripped open. Clarke dying is unfathomable. It was impossible, because Bellamy would sooner die himself than let her fall first. He scowls, but it's not at her; it's at everything, at the ache inside him, the way he feels like he's going to throw up.]
Clarke. [He doesn't have a reason to keep saying her name, but maybe it's a pull. Like maybe if he keeps saying it, everything will be okay. Like repeating it out loud will fix it, or at least cut through everything else. Clarke..]
[Bellamy knows death is not permanent in the Drabwurld, not necessarily. But it doesn't make it any less real, not right now. Of course she wouldn't have wanted it, but it's a decision both so like and unlike her. He doesn't care what she needed, not when it ended like this. He can't forgive her for it.]
That was fucking stupid! [He hisses it out, too overwhelmed and blinded to think.] Clarke, you can't just risk yourself - you can't risk dying -
[Saying the word out loud sets something off in him, or rather, turns it off. His anger vanishes like smoke, and the guilt, the hurt, and the heartbreak consume him instead.]
[He hates Jason right now. For leaving, for pushing Clarke into this. He hates himself, for not being there. He sinks to the ground and bangs his head against the wall. His voice is much less aggressive, a lot more despairing as his vision blurs over completely.] That was fucking stupid.
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Clarke. [He doesn't have a reason to keep saying her name, but maybe it's a pull. Like maybe if he keeps saying it, everything will be okay. Like repeating it out loud will fix it, or at least cut through everything else. Clarke..]
[Bellamy knows death is not permanent in the Drabwurld, not necessarily. But it doesn't make it any less real, not right now. Of course she wouldn't have wanted it, but it's a decision both so like and unlike her. He doesn't care what she needed, not when it ended like this. He can't forgive her for it.]
That was fucking stupid! [He hisses it out, too overwhelmed and blinded to think.] Clarke, you can't just risk yourself - you can't risk dying -
[Saying the word out loud sets something off in him, or rather, turns it off. His anger vanishes like smoke, and the guilt, the hurt, and the heartbreak consume him instead.]
[He hates Jason right now. For leaving, for pushing Clarke into this. He hates himself, for not being there. He sinks to the ground and bangs his head against the wall. His voice is much less aggressive, a lot more despairing as his vision blurs over completely.] That was fucking stupid.