[Maybe it would have been worse to only know things from second-hand stories. Maybe it's worse to see it first-hand. This isn't a pissing contest and he knows it because at the end of the day both of them had lost people they were so close to and that they would trade the world for. It's why he trusts Bellamy with this story in particular, something he hasn't spoken of much in his time in the Drabwurld.
It's also for that reason that he chooses to continue. He shrinks into his sweater, almost trying to make himself disappear even as he continues to talk.]
He didn't listen to me. [The tone's very quiet, like he still can't believe it after all this time.] I told him not to go in there and he didn't listen to me. ["I begged him not to leave." It's an idle thought, something that's stayed with him for a while. It's not so much beating himself up over not being able to save Tadashi, but it's about not being able to stop him and also slight bitterness that Tadashi did it anyway. It was only after he jumped through the portal to rescue Abigail that he truly understood.
…and speaking of Abigail…one step at a time, Hiro.]
Anyway, I already tried that. Pushing past it? I tried that for a while back home and didn't talk to anybody because everything would have been fine if I just…[Ignored it? Willed the misery away? He's not sure what he was thinking.] I thought it'd work back there and I thought it'd work here, and I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but. [There's a pause…and he settles for sort of burrowing his face into his sweater.] I don't know how else to deal with it. Everybody around here has problems and they handle things just fine. [Better.] I'm trying to get there instead of following the path I did back home. How does everybody else deal with this stuff?
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It's also for that reason that he chooses to continue. He shrinks into his sweater, almost trying to make himself disappear even as he continues to talk.]
He didn't listen to me. [The tone's very quiet, like he still can't believe it after all this time.] I told him not to go in there and he didn't listen to me. ["I begged him not to leave." It's an idle thought, something that's stayed with him for a while. It's not so much beating himself up over not being able to save Tadashi, but it's about not being able to stop him and also slight bitterness that Tadashi did it anyway. It was only after he jumped through the portal to rescue Abigail that he truly understood.
…and speaking of Abigail…one step at a time, Hiro.]
Anyway, I already tried that. Pushing past it? I tried that for a while back home and didn't talk to anybody because everything would have been fine if I just…[Ignored it? Willed the misery away? He's not sure what he was thinking.] I thought it'd work back there and I thought it'd work here, and I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but. [There's a pause…and he settles for sort of burrowing his face into his sweater.] I don't know how else to deal with it. Everybody around here has problems and they handle things just fine. [Better.] I'm trying to get there instead of following the path I did back home. How does everybody else deal with this stuff?