![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Leaving field w/ Jason + Hiro, going back to Dias. I'm fine/safe.
Sent Glais to capitol, set temp chain of cmnd with medics.
Stay safe.
Sent Glais to capitol, set temp chain of cmnd with medics.
Stay safe.
Looks like that's a no. [ Which isn't that foreign a concept to Billy. People have been fighting in his world over religion since forever. ]
I got more information about the shards and how they're connected to our worlds. Our shards created and sustain our worlds, through this like...constant life force.
I got more information about the shards and how they're connected to our worlds. Our shards created and sustain our worlds, through this like...constant life force.
Fuck. [There it is! He runs a hand through his hair, trying to think about how they might've even gotten the shards and trying not to be overwhelmed by how terrible and unstoppable it sounds.]
Good idea. Once you get through with that, we should probably focus on what we can handle - the safety of shardbearers, putting out fires. Blindly attacking the machines'll just end up with more dead shardbearers till we know what works best against them, but trying to save the destruction behind them seems like a start, especially if the vision is anything to go by.
Good idea. Once you get through with that, we should probably focus on what we can handle - the safety of shardbearers, putting out fires. Blindly attacking the machines'll just end up with more dead shardbearers till we know what works best against them, but trying to save the destruction behind them seems like a start, especially if the vision is anything to go by.
That's putting it lightly. [He runs his free hand through his hair, shifting and trying not to squish the kitten in his arms.]
I've been trying to think of everything I can but the problem with them is they can find us. There's no hiding from them so it makes safety even harder. How are we supposed to fight or keep people safe if there's no other out?
I've been trying to think of everything I can but the problem with them is they can find us. There's no hiding from them so it makes safety even harder. How are we supposed to fight or keep people safe if there's no other out?
[His jaw sets hard, trying not to look too cynical about it all, if only for Hiro's sake. Not that he thinks Hiro is blind to how dead-end it all sounds right now either, but Bellamy doesn't want to give up for himself either.]
We play defense. We help people who can't help themselves. There isn't a solution right now, but I refuse to believe that means we can't find one. The more people we have brainstorming this, the better. It could set off a chain reaction of strategy.
You did good, Hiro, figuring out it's coming in the first place. We have a warning now.
We play defense. We help people who can't help themselves. There isn't a solution right now, but I refuse to believe that means we can't find one. The more people we have brainstorming this, the better. It could set off a chain reaction of strategy.
You did good, Hiro, figuring out it's coming in the first place. We have a warning now.
All of us are fine.
( that's a lie, sort of; Jason is far from fine right now. )
Will be fine. No one is hurt. Will explain later.
( that's a lie, sort of; Jason is far from fine right now. )
Will be fine. No one is hurt. Will explain later.
[Bellamy's face falls, and he just thinks about Octavia; about her cries to leave their apartment, about her cries when she didn't know any better, about the quiet way Hiro speaks and the way it reminds Bellamy that sometimes there's so little he can do for the people he cares about. He can't bring Tadashi back, and he doesn't know the precise way to get Hiro to stop beating himself over it. It's one of his own traits.]
Maybe you just don't see them handling it. [A beat.] Everyone - we all deal with these things differently. I don't have a single answer for you. I think we all try to ignore them, but in the end, it's still impossible to escape.
[He watches Hiro steadily, trying to figure out where to go, what to say from here. The hardest part is how open it makes him. But reassuring Hiro seems to outweigh his discomfort.] I've made too many mistakes. I can't - take them back. I just try to do better. You tried to stop your brother, Hiro, but it isn't your fault that you couldn't.
If you don't know what to do, how to deal with it - [He breathes in a little.] What would Tadashi do? I think about my mother, what she'd expect or want for me. I think about what I want of me.
It isn't the same. [Bellamy's demons are corpses he put in the ground; Hiro's are wrapped up in a brother he couldn't save.] And maybe no one is actually dealing with it, but we're trying anyway. I've had nightmares the whole time I've been here. It's - people. It's my sister, it's Clarke, I think about them. I talk to them.
We have to keep living. Nobody is a machine, no matter how hard we might want to be sometimes. You can't sleep. So stop pretending otherwise, stop hiding it, and go from there.
Maybe you just don't see them handling it. [A beat.] Everyone - we all deal with these things differently. I don't have a single answer for you. I think we all try to ignore them, but in the end, it's still impossible to escape.
[He watches Hiro steadily, trying to figure out where to go, what to say from here. The hardest part is how open it makes him. But reassuring Hiro seems to outweigh his discomfort.] I've made too many mistakes. I can't - take them back. I just try to do better. You tried to stop your brother, Hiro, but it isn't your fault that you couldn't.
If you don't know what to do, how to deal with it - [He breathes in a little.] What would Tadashi do? I think about my mother, what she'd expect or want for me. I think about what I want of me.
It isn't the same. [Bellamy's demons are corpses he put in the ground; Hiro's are wrapped up in a brother he couldn't save.] And maybe no one is actually dealing with it, but we're trying anyway. I've had nightmares the whole time I've been here. It's - people. It's my sister, it's Clarke, I think about them. I talk to them.
We have to keep living. Nobody is a machine, no matter how hard we might want to be sometimes. You can't sleep. So stop pretending otherwise, stop hiding it, and go from there.
That's what I want to do by announcing it with Loki, tomorrow. He was gonna do it himself, but I told him I wanted to be there. If we can get people to start thinking about these things maybe we can outsmart them. [It's still troublesome, even if there's the tiniest of grins.]
And anyway, it's not like I'm doing a ton of sleeping. I can use the time to figure stuff out. Be productive or whatever. I like the idea of a chain reaction, but we need a catalyst to set it off, first.
And anyway, it's not like I'm doing a ton of sleeping. I can use the time to figure stuff out. Be productive or whatever. I like the idea of a chain reaction, but we need a catalyst to set it off, first.
[Bellamy's trying and that's all Hiro can really ask right now. He's trying hard to help and it makes him feel both sad and grateful and he's actively listening, even if he's still trying to burrow into his hoodie.
Maybe nobody's good at handling anything. There's too much happening all the time in this world, let alone the baggage people brought from home. Tadashi...would try to help those people. That's the thing. Tadashi would try to help those people and he'd be selfless in his own issues. That's always how Tadashi's been while Hiro's been selfish. But it's a nice thought and it's...good to know he isn't alone in that regard. He finally sighs, nodding in response as he finally just sort of slides and almost lays on his side to curl into a ball.]
...fine. I can't sleep and it's only partially because of nightmares. Happy?
Maybe nobody's good at handling anything. There's too much happening all the time in this world, let alone the baggage people brought from home. Tadashi...would try to help those people. That's the thing. Tadashi would try to help those people and he'd be selfless in his own issues. That's always how Tadashi's been while Hiro's been selfish. But it's a nice thought and it's...good to know he isn't alone in that regard. He finally sighs, nodding in response as he finally just sort of slides and almost lays on his side to curl into a ball.]
...fine. I can't sleep and it's only partially because of nightmares. Happy?
[He frowns. Not because of Hiro's reaction, but just because of the whole situation. Hiro's still young. He's a teenager. And Bellamy has spent far too much time with teenagers who get overwhelmed by nightmares.]
No. I'm not happy - but I'm glad you're not gonna try hiding it for the rest of this trip. I - sometimes it's easier to deal with, if you just acknowledge it. [He hunches over, not laying down himself, but getting a little more comfortable.] Get up and walk around for five minutes, if you need to. Don't sit there with your thoughts.
No. I'm not happy - but I'm glad you're not gonna try hiding it for the rest of this trip. I - sometimes it's easier to deal with, if you just acknowledge it. [He hunches over, not laying down himself, but getting a little more comfortable.] Get up and walk around for five minutes, if you need to. Don't sit there with your thoughts.
[He doesn't really want to acknowledge it, but he's reached the point where he'll at least listen to what Bellamy says. Clarke told him to listen to Bellamy and stick close. She probably didn't know that it would include this, too.]
Yeah...I might do that. I'll stay inside our perimeters though, promise. [He huffs lightly then.] ...but until I figure out how to fix things it's not going to stop. So I need to work on that, too. [He's not exactly explaining what "that" is, but it's hard to talk about still.] ...thanks, Bellamy.
Yeah...I might do that. I'll stay inside our perimeters though, promise. [He huffs lightly then.] ...but until I figure out how to fix things it's not going to stop. So I need to work on that, too. [He's not exactly explaining what "that" is, but it's hard to talk about still.] ...thanks, Bellamy.
I know. I'm sorry there isn't an instant fix or solution for you. [He sighs quietly.] Feels like it might be a lifetime process sometimes - but even slow process is better than stagnation. Recognize it. Start from there.
[A beat, where he feels awkward for a moment over the thank you; he never really expects these things.] Don't mention it. Just - try to get a few hours, if you can. We'll need our energy.
[A beat, where he feels awkward for a moment over the thank you; he never really expects these things.] Don't mention it. Just - try to get a few hours, if you can. We'll need our energy.
For sure. [To both of those things. He knows Bellamy's right, at least, and he can't argue with that. So instead he's just going to focus on settling down.] Same goes for you though. It's not gonna do me any good to be rested up if you're dragging us down.
[It's a teasing tone, but it's clear that he's very serious about Bellamy getting sleep, too.] Slow progress and all.
[It's a teasing tone, but it's clear that he's very serious about Bellamy getting sleep, too.] Slow progress and all.
( okay. okay, she can do this. she can tell him. she can.
deep breath. )
Hey. Can you... I know you're probably in the mountain, but can you teleport back to the house and meet me there? It's kind of important. ( a beat. ) I'm okay, I just- We really need to talk.
deep breath. )
Hey. Can you... I know you're probably in the mountain, but can you teleport back to the house and meet me there? It's kind of important. ( a beat. ) I'm okay, I just- We really need to talk.
It's a good idea, and it's good you're involved. You're smart, especially with this kinda tech. [He says it casually, because even if it could be read as complimentary, to Bellamy it's just matter of fact.]
[He does frown over the admittance of no sleep, but it's not like Bellamy's in a place to judge. He hasn't gotten a full night's sleep in weeks.]
Sometimes a catalyst can just fall into your lap. [Look at him, trying to be optimistic. He doesn't quite realize it, but it's probably because Hiro needs some.]
That the only thing keeping you up?
[He does frown over the admittance of no sleep, but it's not like Bellamy's in a place to judge. He hasn't gotten a full night's sleep in weeks.]
Sometimes a catalyst can just fall into your lap. [Look at him, trying to be optimistic. He doesn't quite realize it, but it's probably because Hiro needs some.]
That the only thing keeping you up?
[Dryly:] I've adapted surprisingly well to running on minimal hours of sleep.
[Which is true. Whether because he couldn't sleep on risk of death, or just couldn't sleep, there have been too many nights to count. He has adapted. But:] I'll get some rest too. Don't worry.
[Which is true. Whether because he couldn't sleep on risk of death, or just couldn't sleep, there have been too many nights to count. He has adapted. But:] I'll get some rest too. Don't worry.
[There is something in her tone that sets him on edge, despite her promise that she's okay. He can't even gauge a hint of what it is, but it rolls over in his gut, and it doesn't stop him from immediately shuffling, the sounds of him preparing to leave echoing over the feed.]
You don't sound fine. Give me five minutes, tops.
You don't sound fine. Give me five minutes, tops.
( there's no message sent back, Clarke simply waiting at the house. she paces back and forth through the kitchen nervously as she waits for Bellamy to come back.
she knows that she needs to be in the mountain, that he does too, but this was too important. it couldn't wait until after wishes were made, it couldn't wait for anything at all. )
she knows that she needs to be in the mountain, that he does too, but this was too important. it couldn't wait until after wishes were made, it couldn't wait for anything at all. )
[It's just under two minutes later when Bellamy teleports straight into the house. He arrives in the living room, but hears her pacing in the kitchen and immediately moves towards the sound.]
[A quick glance over shows no obvious injury, and it should relieve him, but that edge from when she first spoke is still there.]
Clarke? What's wrong?
[A quick glance over shows no obvious injury, and it should relieve him, but that edge from when she first spoke is still there.]
Clarke? What's wrong?
( as soon as Bellamy arrives, Clarke can hear his heartbeat, how it races in his anxiousness, his worry. she was told to breathe through the desire for blood, and she'd fed thoroughly before calling Bellamy to ensure his safety with her.
now that he's there- she doesn't know if she can do this. )
I have to tell you something. And it's not a good something, but I'm fine, and I need you to remember that I'm really, really fine. Okay?
now that he's there- she doesn't know if she can do this. )
I have to tell you something. And it's not a good something, but I'm fine, and I need you to remember that I'm really, really fine. Okay?
Page 13 of 15